Raj Veer
Birthplace:
Gurugram (Gurgaon then), Haryana
Residence:
Gurugram (Gurgaon then), Haryana
Qualification:
B.F.A.
Inspiration:
Yashmeen Chauhan Manak
EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE
He is a happy man today; he is an inspiration to many to be their true selves; his calm face reflects satisfaction – the happiness, inspiration and satisfaction that has come difficult to him. Here’s presenting a young man true to his name!
“Some are born in the right body; others have to fight for it. I fought, won and am happily married and proudly say I am a transgender man,” he says. “I am Raj Veer, Raj as taken from my father, Rajendra’s name and veer meaning brave in Hindi. My father succumbed to tuberculosis and my name is a constant reminder of his presence around me. The second name is a reminder of all that I have been through to give me the courage to continue.”
Hailing from a conservative Haryanvi family, Raj Veer was born as Maya, a rather cute chubby girl. While people around him loved the girl, the girl hated being so. Maya’s soul felt trapped inside Maya… “It was in the age of playing with dolls that I realised I was different. I had some female friends though I liked my male friends more. My sisters and female friends played all the girls’ games that I didn’t like. I was made to wear girls’ clothes that I didn’t like. My mannerisms – the way I talked or walked – were not conforming to girls. Given my Haryanvi background, I couldn’t have any male friends. Overall, I had to do everything that I didn’t like. Because I realised, I wasn’t a girl!”
To add to it were his parents. His mother very early on knew the difference but for the fear of society, no one took a stand! Causing more harm was his marriage fixed with a boy when he was in class 8. “Oh! I breathed a sigh when the wedding was called off. Yet, I was confused… My sisters and friends were okay with getting married and talking to boys; they even started developing crushes on boys. I was developing a liking for girls. It was terrifying and confusing. I had heard of people from abroad stuck like me but no one in our country. So, I knew I had to go out of India and for that, I had to earn a lot of money – I was still in class 8!”
Raj had confided in his younger sisters and brothers. “Sharing this with the younger ones was different; I still didn’t have the guts to come out to any one elder than me.”
A step at a time
Raj was determined to study well, after all, to earn a lot of money he had to have a good job! But his family pulled him out of school for two reasons: first, his manly behaviour; second, what was the need to educate girls if all they had to do in future was cook and bear children! He was sent to his maternal grandmother’s place where his marriage was fixed with a man. He lodged a complaint with the police and it was called off. “It could have meant ruining not just two lives but two families.”
Knowing what lay in the future for him if he relied only on his family, he started working as a part-time art teacher and in a shop. He was still in class 9 when, with a new sense of independence, he finally confided in his uncle who supported him beyond any measure. “He referred me to a doctor, who further introduced me to a transgender woman whom he had operated upon. It was the first time I had met someone like me – so much relieved I was to meet her. There were many people like me, I wasn’t alone in the boat!” His therapies began thereon.
Love: The food for the soul!
A new girl joined his class and they became close friends. Raj was still Maya, but Maya was secretly Raj and Raj had started falling for her. “Girls in our school knew me and many confessed their crush on me. But I was crushing on the one who was simply friends with me and couldn’t come to believe falling in love with Maya.” Both their families believed in early marriages of girls and he feared the worst. He didn’t want to lose her. “It was love that made me decide to undergo the SRS and other therapies. My happiness lay in my actual identity and love. I had to be a male openly. I needed a lot of money for the surgery.” He didn’t know it would take him seven years to finally be what he wanted to be! Later, they decided to part ways but he met the true love of his life quite some years after.
He had to work hard and a lot! Tuitions, projects, job at a shop… And finally, he opened his own store and continued his work as a teacher. Raj had everything planned. “To get married to my crush, I’d have to come out openly and also deal with my relatives and so needed to be financially independent.” In 2015, he sat down his mother to watch the sex-change episode of Satyamev Jayate and awaited her reaction. As she watched it calmly, he tiptoed his decision to his mother. “There couldn’t be a better support than her! When I cut my long hair short to suit a man, my grandmother was shocked. I told her the truth and she didn’t talk to me for three months straight. It was a new concept for her; she gradually accepted it! As I started developing manly features, other relatives started questioning – had my mother not been around, I wouldn’t have been able to face it all.”
He met Hemlata while teaching in a school. “I found her a very strong woman, fighting a divorce case and a mother to a two-year-old. Our situations brought us together and we fell in love and are getting stronger with time.” Both of them found comfort in each other’s company. When Raj told her about his transition, she very innocently wondered, “Is this even possible?” They soon got married.
Raj studied fine arts and is now a qualified teacher. He loves creating new art pieces and learns music as well.
“Like most transgender men, I experienced gender dysphoria from a very young age but didn’t understand it. However, after gaining some knowledge, I could break free of the socially conditioned notions and no longer believe in torturing ourselves to become who we are not. With the love and support from people who matter – my family – I am free of any depression of being in the wrong body and happy where I am today!”
VISION FOR THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY
Raj believes that with proper education and awareness, a positive shift can be seen in society. But to keep it intact, the stigma towards transgender people needs to be changed. “The first fight is against the discrimination within the community, then the societal discrimination. The only way to get what you want is by being determined and walking the path. If you are going to take a back foot, nothing will happen. If you keep looking for family acceptance, it won’t happen in a day; make them understand things and see the impact.”
MESSAGE FOR THE MAINSTREAM SOCIETY
“The discussion around gender change needs to broaden, and the approach of it being some sort of illness or a luxury that rich people can afford needs to be changed,” he begins. “Also, as parents, when you want what’s best for your children, why don’t you try and understand what the child feels and wants to say. Listen to your child! For them to be bright, confident and joyful adults, understanding the needs and development as a child is of utmost importance. Don’t let that go!”
He says that the medical system also needs to understand the LGBTQ+ community, from the basic hospital staff to psychiatrists to counsellors. “Society just needs to be with us, and let us grow.”
FIVE FACTS ABOUT RAJ VEER
He loves car racing.
He loves watching movies and among his favourites are Mann and Tare Zameen Par.
He has a secret strength – his patience.
He has weaknesses too – his mother and Hemlata.
He is a charcoal-work artist.
