Shreya Iyer Singh
Birthplace:
Kolkata, West Bengal
Residence:
Mumbai, Maharashtra
Qualification:
B.A. in English (Hons.) and M.A. in Public Administration and Human Resources
Inspiration:
Her mother, Manabi Bandopadhyay and Nitasha Biswas
FAIRYTALE WITH A MESSAGE
Education, dignity and self-belief always win. Shreya’s story exemplifies this fact. She fished out the courage in herself, continues to do so and excels in everything she does!
A boy who excelled in sports, whom girls in class found quite attractive, a good student and a dutiful child to parents, Shreya’s early years weren’t much different from how most families raise their children with an emphasis on discipline, academics and co-curricular activities.
“I was born in 1989 in a very conservative background with mixed cultures. My father is a Tamilian Brahmin, an ex-serviceman who ventured into business after retirement and my mother hailed from Bangladesh and retired as a school principal.” Shreya grew up in Kolkata, the city of joy, in a disciplined environment where the day began and ended with prayers. Sports dominated the scene. Her father once played for Mohun Bagan F.C., one of India’s oldest football clubs. She too has played under-19 cricket and is a national rowing bronze medallist.
But she often wondered why was she ‘out-of-the-box’ from her peer groups. “I was quite masculine but equally fascinated with the way my mother and elder sister dressed, paying minute attention to saree pleats, eyeliner, lip shades, hairstyles and everything else.”
There came a time when understanding herself or sharing her confusion became difficult. She had only heard of words like homosexual, lesbian and bisexual but didn’t know what they meant or if any applied to her.
A friend from nowhere
The universe has a way of sending angels to help us wade through a bog of mental turmoil. On most evenings, Shreya would sit on the edge of a railway footbridge watching trains pass by and trying to sort herself out. “Shambho approached me one evening, probably thinking that I would jump off the bridge,” recalls Shreya, talking about this stranger who soon became her confidant, friend, philosopher and guide. “I was sceptical when he first approached but we soon formed a deep connection. He was a chef at the Taj Hotel in Mumbai. He would lend me an ear every evening and ensure I was happy and was continuing my studies. I now call it a deeply platonic relationship.” She lost him to the 2008 Mumbai attack but continues to live by what he taught her: Give yourself a chance. You must not hurry towards your goals and understand that society listens to only those who prove their worth.
“That day I decided to solidify my foundations to be able to stand up and speak for myself.” Shreya was in class 10 at that time. It took her another six years to understand what her real identity was. She revealed it to her family during her sister’s marriage procession. “I was surprised to learn that mom had known it all along. It was dad who went into a state of denial. While he fulfilled his duties towards me, he stopped all communication for two long years. He had expected more, me being the only son in the family.”
Shreya was in the final year of college when she lost her mother to cancer. Soon after, her father too was diagnosed with the disease. “Watching me contribute monetarily and fulfil my duties towards him and mom changed his heart. He told me, ‘You have made me proud as a man. Now make me proud as a daughter’.” He passed away soon, leaving Shreya, only 22 years old then, alone.
Delhi diaries
Buoyed by memories and blessings her parents had left her with, Shreya decided to transition. Her first inspiration was Manabi Bandopadhyay, India’s first transwoman principal, and her childhood friend, Nitasha Biswas, who went on to win India’s first beauty pageant for transgenders.
Kolkata during those days did not have experts who could help Shreya with her transition. So she decided to shift to New Delhi and came to work with the Lalit Group of Hotels. “I came with nothing and had to start from scratch. Nitasha motivated and taught me a lot. There are so many others I am thankful to. One such family has been my landlord’s. I have lived with them since the day I landed in Delhi till I got married. They have seen me through my transition and never once did they leave me alone.”
Shreya feels she is a blessed child of God to see her dream come true. Her wedding to Choudhary Ranjeet Singh, a cisgender man with two kids from his previous marriage, was covered by leading magazines and broke many stereotypes.
“It was a fairy tale wedding and a huge thing considering that a transgender woman was marrying a Jat from Haryana,” she chuckles. Serendipity was at work when they met. Shreya was hosting a live session on gender sensitisation on the Keshav Suri Foundation’s social media account. Amid all the backlashes poured into the comments section was one that stood out in her support. “That caught my attention. Soon, we met for coffee, became good friends and here we are, as a couple.”
It was a fairy tale wedding, she says. I always dreamt of being decked up as a bride. It’s a feeling that can’t be expressed in words – surreal, fairytaleish – as I heard from my grandmother.”
Ranjeet’s entire family has welcomed Shreya. “The family is full of macho men with some really strong character and deep sensitivity. They too are breaking gender stereotypes.”
She looks up to Keshav Suri as her role model and mentor. “He is my godfather who cares for me just the way my mother would have. He has helped me grow, taught me professionalism, showed me how the corporate realm works and how to face the world.”
Shreya has been actively involved with the Keshav Suri Foundation which is going a step ahead of the known problems the LGBTQIA community faces. “We want to be an organisation that uplifts, empowers and embraces members so that they can make themselves heard.” She is also associated with Deepa Ardhnareshwar Empowerment Foundation founded by Reena Rai, a cisgender woman working for the transgender community. Shreya keeps busy with work at the Lalit and the Foundation sensitising schools, businesses and Delhi Police. She feels sensitising students is easier rather than trying to change the mindset of many in the police force. “The alpha male, egoistic air among the old-timers is the biggest hurdle. The youngsters in the force are our hope.”
VISION FOR THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY
Shreya says the community has proved itself in every sphere, be it in the services, judiciary, corporate corridors, beauty pageants or the entertainment industry. She has many achievements to her credit. She is the first transgender PR official in the South Indian hospitality sector and a member of the Women’s Indian Chamber of Commerce (WICCI).
“Patience is the key – I’d ask every member of the LGBTQ+ community to maintain their patience in God’s will and belief in themselves. We all need to behave like we are not different from others. We need not resort to loud ways to make ourselves heard. Let’s prove ourselves, let’s prove our worth. We have come far as a community. Next, I want to see a transgender woman as a Member of Parliament.”
MESSAGE FOR THE MAINSTREAM SOCIETY
Shreya hopes that society becomes more willing to accept change. “Let’s not stereotype genders. Gender can be fluid, pansexual or binary. Be open to possibilities be open to change. The times that we are living in need us to become an inclusive society – the need of the hour, the basic to grow!”
She wants LGBTQIA+ community members to feel at home within mainstream society. “The law may now recognise us as individuals, but where is the acceptance?”
She hopes stories like hers will push the door to mainstream society wide open for the community.
FIVE FACTS ABOUT SHREYA
She is the Marcom Manager at The Lalit.
She is a trained Bharatnatyam dancer and her ideal is South Indian dancer and actress, Shobana Chandrakumar Pillai.
She derives strength from within herself. Her loved ones are her weakness.
Her mother-in-law and sister-in-law are her support system now.
Her most treasured possession is her mother’s sarees.
