Vihaan Peethamber
Birthplace:
Kottayam, Kerala
Residence:
Bengaluru, Karnataka
Qualification:
M.Sc. (Communication) from Manipal University, Advanced Diploma in (Globalisation and Human Rights) from Stockholm University
Inspiration:
Self-inspired
A FIGHT, A VICTORY FOR IDENTITY
So often an individual’s fight for identity and existence proves to be a guide for others to look up to. Vihaan Peethamber’s search for self is one such inspiring journey which, despite having its share of ups and downs, comes out to be a victorious one. An incredible journey that not only gave him what he fought for but also paved the way for others to follow.
Born as a female on 7 October 1985, Vihaan grew up as a girl. But very soon he realised that he was different, though he could not quite figure out the reason. “I was confused as I found myself attracted to a behavioural pattern typically associated with boys. It reflected in my choice of hairstyle, the games I played and the toys I played with… I never really fit in with all the games my sisters used to play. Everyone called me a tomboy as a child and I kind of liked it because any association with the word ‘boy’ brought a sense of belonging to me.
I was very comfortable wearing pants and T-shirts and enjoyed playing with boys.” As he started approaching puberty his dislike for his physical body increased. “I did not like how my body was changing while growing up. I was frustrated and petrified at the same time.”
“As I was growing up, I was low on self-esteem and to compensate for it I tried to earn validation from people. During my teenage years, my fellow classmates started developing crushes and I found myself being attracted to girls and this added to the pre-existing pressure..as per societal norms I should have been attracted to boys but being drawn to girls made me more anxious. I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings and to whom I was going through…fear of being judged overwhelmed me.”
During his term at college, a few of his friends suggested that if he wanted to attract boys, he needed to dress up and behave more like women. “So, I made up a checklist, grew my hair and changed my wardrobe and eventually managed to attract a few boys. But deep down, I felt disgusted!! I was so fed up with these confusing and negative thoughts that I created a profile in a matrimony website hoping marriage would address the issue. But of course, this didn’t help.”
And to gain validation from others he took up sports. Here he could wear T-Shirts and pants and no one would question. He excelled in it “I went for an under-16 State cricket trial and was even selected.”
However he was subjected to constant humiliation. There was a visit to a doctor, who knew nothing about what Vihaan was going through. “I was unnecessarily put through various examinations and scans. I was also referred to as an astrologer, who tried to molest me”, he remembers sadly.
Harassment at workplace
Through all his struggles, he completed his degree from Manipal University and Diploma from Stockholm University and took up a job. “I started working in 2008 and since then I have been facing harassment from my colleagues and bosses because of my gender identity. This affected my mental health significantly and I often had to quit jobs, hoping to find a workplace where I could be my authentic self, but could not find one. I have had managers who have teased me for my clothes and hairstyle and who asked me why I could not just behave like a woman and get married. I hated going to the women’s restroom and would often wait till no one was using it which resulted in me contracting a urinary infection. In fact, I hardly lasted a job for more than a month.” He even had a stint in Dubai but soon returned.
His quest for a gender-inclusive office atmosphere finally bore fruit after he joined the global investment bank in 2019.
In 2015, the Kerala government accorded the State Transgender Policy and for Vihaan it seemed like a manna from heaven. But he knew it would be one long jousting with bureaucracy. This gave him the much-needed courage to go ahead with his transition surgery.
“I had to educate government officials about the State’s Transgender Policy that they were obligated to implement. While the law upheld a person’s right to self-identify their gender without any medical intervention, the Kerala gazette demanded transgender people to produce a government medical board certificate mandating us to undergo rigorous physical examinations and invasive scans. I approached every government office to change this process but to no avail. I had to go through this humiliating process and strip at three different hospitals to get a medical certificate proving my gender for an identity card. This experience shook me… and I spoke about it at various forums, wrote about it, had the media cover it and even filed multiple complaints. This prompted the Kerala government to change the process and transgender people were no longer asked for medical certificates proving their identity.”
His struggle and perseverance have motivated several other transgender people to confidently come out in the open.
Memorable event
Although he suffered several setbacks, he experienced a momentous event that he had always longed for. During a conference, where he was part of the organising committee and also was a panelist, he met Rajashree and instantly hit it off with her. “She could understand me and it was very effortless talking to her.” They dated for a couple of years and then tied the knot. “The wedding ceremony was an absolute dream! All my LGBTQ family and friends were a part of the ceremonies and celebrations,” Vihaan gushes.
He can’t stress enough the support and love he received from his family, especially his mother. “She is a caring and selfless woman. Her unwavering support meant that I didn’t have to move away from my home during my struggle. Her strength has always been my inspiration.”
He is now helping his community members and speaks for all those who need help. He has been vocal about the needs and the problems faced by them and helps create awareness, specifically, transgender men who are still a minority within the transgender community.
Vihaan feels the inclusivity of the community is what is most needed now. “One does not have to create special infrastructure; we can use the present infrastructure. For example, an office can take up an initiative to include a gender-neutral restroom on each floor, not even exclusive for transgender people.”
VISION FOR THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY
Mainstreaming, inclusion and rights – these three words articulate Abhina’s vision. She wants to see transgenders hold India’s highest offices like the president’s or the prime minister’s.
India should have a top-quality public facility for gender affirmation services because the main challenge for transgenders is gender transition, which entails complicated and expensive surgeries.
She feels the government also needs to preserve socio-ethnic transgender groups because they form an alternative support system for those who don’t have their families behind them.
MESSAGE FOR THE MAINSTREAM SOCIETY
“Treat someone how you would like to be treated. If you seek respect, see that you respect others regardless of their gender. We are all different, be it the language we speak, the food we eat, our gender identity or gender expression. We are all different but not above each other so the basic courtesy is to treat everyone as you would want to be treated yourself. It is okay if you haven’t heard about the transgender community but that does not mean you cannot learn, especially in these days of social media and information access.” He emphasises that it is easy to be aware of LGBTQ rights and their struggles in today’s era and support them. “We should always think about the world we are leaving to our children. It should be a world of love.”
FIVE FACTS ABOUT VIHAAN
He loves cricket.
He hates reading. He confesses, “People think because I write a lot, I read; I don’t, I hate reading”.
His favourite food is chicken although he is a fan of her mother’s home-cooked food.
He is very patient by nature.
He considers her mother and his maternal family as his strength.
